There Are No Maybes
by CaliforniaDreamer
Summary: Maybe my heart can follow you, maybe it knows no boundaries. But my mind does. And it just happens to be taking over right now.


**Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Get it? Got it? Good.**

**Time: Last scene of Last Weeks Fights, This Week's Tights**

**Spoilers: Only for that episode.**

**AN: I'm not really sure why I wrote this. The muse struck, I guess. And I'm trying to find my writing style, so that might be part of it. It's just a one parter, kind of internal reflection, with a bit changed at the end, from Rory's POV. Enjoy, and reviews are gladly accepted.**

**There Are No Maybes.**

I don't want you here.

It hurts to see you, to know that you're so close, but I can't reach you. I can't! And I want to so bad. I haven't touched you in so long. And all I want to do is graze my hand down your cheek.

You've changed. You stopped gelling your hair up all crazy. You look…I don't know, more mature. You look…you look good, I guess.

You look so desperate. I don't like seeing you like this, knowing what you want, and knowing I can't give it to you. I can't Jess, why can't you see that? Why do you always have to make this so freaking hard? I don't like saying goodbye. I don't like letting you go. But can't you see, that's the only way!

We don't work. I don't know, maybe it's the time, maybe it's the obstacles…maybe we aren't strong enough. Maybe…maybe we aren't supposed to be together. Maybe we don't know each other. Maybe, maybe, maybe!

There are no maybes about it Jess! We. Don't. Work. We haven't, we can't! Stop insisting! No! Think rationally! It doesn't work. There is no possible scenario in which we could possibly fix everything that has gone completely wrong! That's so many things, Jess, you know it is. And I've tried, I've tried to think of how we can fix it! We can't. There is no logical way for everything that ever happened between us to just go away. No way to start new. Think rationally!

I don't know, maybe I shouldn't be thinking rationally now. Maybe if I just forgot about logic I could go with you. Sugarcoat everything and it will all be okay. For awhile. But you know how it's going to turn out. How it has to. You'll leave, or I will... the timing has never been right. Why should it be now? Maybe fate is trying to tell us something…why won't you take the hint? I want you to. I need you to.

You say you know me. Well, for someone who knows me so well, you sure are clueless! I don't want this, I don't! You think I like getting my heart broken, my hopes up? Trying to be with you, when anything and everything that can stand in our way, are?

You told me I can do anything. No. No, I can't. Maybe my heart can follow you, maybe it knows no boundaries. But my mind does. And it just happens to be taking over right now. I've got too much holding me back here, you know that. I can't leave school. My friends, my mom! They expect so much from me…I can't disappoint them. Maybe you never cared about other people's opinions, but I do.

Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I could try being selfish, listen to myself for awhile. But for what? How do I know your still going to be there in a month, a year? Heck, two minutes from now! You said I can trust you now. But those are just words, how can you expect me to give up my future, my present for such, tiny, empty words.

Maybe they aren't empty. But still, what am I doing this for? Some summer romance? I'm not that girl, you know I'm not.

And I gave up being your girl months ago.

I don't want you to haunt me. Maybe it was nice, that hope, that dream, that we could be together. But it was just a dream. A silly, childish dream. When it's here in front of me…you know I can't make it real. Reality has too much pull.

I hate that one word can have so much power. That with one word, I can shatter both my dreams and, seemingly, by that look on your face, yours.

But you knew it couldn't happen. You knew it was just a dream, a hope, a hope not worth living for. Oh, I hope you weren't living for it. You weren't. You're smarter than that.

Maybe it wasn't a false hope.

I really need to stop with all these maybes. There aren't any. There's a clear answer here.

You left, walked out of my life again. That was the last time. I know it, I can feel it welling up in my throat, this bittersweet feeling of goodbye.

I can't do anything now. Just call out empty words. Empty because you can't here them. They're meant for you to hear, but you can't. I waited too long.

"I didn't mean it."

END.


End file.
